SONGSTORY

Ahoy Mateys!

Arrrrr, its time for the Blue Beard to update his evil blog. I’m a pirate mateys! Yes, my first mate Tony B., or the ‘Plank Pusher’ as we pirate folk like to call him, loves nothing more than to dance a jig while listening to the music streamed off his favourite pirate blog, Songstory. Arrrr, being a pirate is tough job, but things on our ship have started to improve since we got wireless internet installed. Plank Pusher has been taking a break from…. feeding the sharks, HAR, HAR, HAR, HAR, HAR, HA COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH….cough. Sorry…has taken a break from feeding the sharks, to write his very own evil pirate submission. Arrrrr, now read Tony’s posting and listen to the song as us pirates disappear into the murky mist of a haunted moonlit sky, arrrr.

Northern Sky - Nick Drake By Tony Bitzionis

Nick Drake is great. Great great great. But Nick Drake is dead. Dead dead dead. I once asked a guy at a used record store on the Danforth if he had any Nick Drake records and he got mad at me and said “What the hell! When this guy was alive you all didn’t give a shit about him, and now that he’s dead you’re all asking me for his record! No I don’t have it!”. See the thing is, Nick Drake died in the 70’s, so I would have to be around 45 to have not given any of my shit about him.

Anyhow, Adam introduced me to Nick Drake about 5 years ago with his album ‘Pink Moon’. Most of you might recognize the title track to that album because it was in some car commercial. No Seany, it wasn’t the Suzuki Areo, so stop singing. I loved his style right away, though I admit that ‘Pink Moon’ is too quiet to enjoy all the time. I like a lot of Drake’s other stuff, the stuff with horns and the like, but his melancholy songs do it for me too.

Northern Sky is one of these quiet love songs, beautifully soft but with an uplifting piano, and no choly melons to speak of. Man, I really love the piano in this song. Garret, is this good piano? I only ask you cause I know you grew up with, like, 40 pianos in your house. Also, this song is featured in Joell’s favourite movie of all time people…… Serendipity. Yeah yeah yeah, and I love Clueless–there Joey, I saved you a post.

Enjoy the song, but try not to cry if you haven’t found you’re true love.

Tony aka The Plank Pusher

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Growing up Garret Keown was a big fan of Home Improvement’s Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Garret had posters of JTT all over his room, joined the fan club, and bought all the teen magazines featuring the pre-teen heart-throb. But like all lovesick 11 year olds must, Garret grew up and Garret moved on. Garret traveled the world, Garret moved away from home, Garret lived and loved and learned, but Garret never completely got over those intoxicating initials. Garret.

Garret Keown aka ”Garret” has submitted a Songstory entry all the way from KOREA where Garret is currently living with Garret’s wonderful girlfriend Harlene and teaching English. Check out Garret’s entry below the pics.

Damn Girl - Justin Timberlake By Garret Keown

Damn Girl,

I remember the time when Timberlake dropped his first solo album and Ben Young called me from a payphone in the middle of Gerrard Square.

“Garret, there‘s something I gotta tell you.“ “Yeah, what is it? You know you can tell me anything, right?“ “Okay, but you can‘t tell anybody.“ “Okay, Ben, what the hell is it?” “I like the Justin Timberlake album.“

At that time, I hadn‘t heard it, so I fell to the floor laughing and banged my forehead off the counter top on the way down. I still have the scar. Ben‘s masculine persona suddenly (sheded????) itself for a tighter t-shirt wearing, dance floor obsessed ”preno” and I thought I was seeing a new side of him. I did, however, know that the Neptunes had their fingerprints all over this Michael Jackson-esque project, which transformed little Justin into a credible pop star (in my opinion any ways). Do I like Justin Timberlake? The answer is sometimes. It‘s every grown man‘s guilty pleasure. I haven‘t really heard the new album, but this track, Damn Girl instantly made me say damn! Why the fuck does he have to make tracks that I like? But, the fact is, I like this song, a lot. It‘s produced by the sometimes incredibly talented WiLL.I.AM of BEP. There are definitely some similarities between this song and Amerie‘s 1Thing, but the funky drumming and organ riff bite is fine with me. I am not sure if Justin would be as well received as he has been if he wasn’t working with such creative producers, but having said that, I think this is a fine effort and a quality pop song.

Way to go Timberlake!

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I’ve tried really hard to limit the amount of Jay Dee I post on Songstory.  It seems like everyday I listen to something by Dilla that really excites me–and that which excites me is that which I want to share.  I’m at work now (on my lunch break, I’m no slacker) with limited access to music, which makes it difficult to choose a song to feature on Songstory.  However, one of the tracks I do have on my work computer is a golden nugget off one of Dilla’s many beat tapes.  I’m so tempted.  It’s almost irresistible.  Ok, fine, it IS irresistible.  Goddamn it I am weak. 

This track is short but sweet.  When I listen to it I want to go to a cool, busy, outdoor market and strut-dance around.  Ideally the strut-dancing would manage to incorporate a lot of solid high fives with strangers along the way.  I could also picture this being the soundtrack to a video of a cute little mouse’s adventures looking for cheese.  Or maybe a combination of the two.  The theme song for me when I eat cheese and dance–which happens pretty often.  But I’m lactose intollerant.  I dance alone.

I dedicate this song to Edward Norton.  I watched American History X the other night.  That movie is HILARIOUS! 

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Tony is posting again.  And it’s really good to see that he’s still got great taste in music and the wit that we’ve all come to know and love.  What’s the lesson here?  I suppose it is that you can go through hormone replacement therapy, and live your lifelong dream of becoming a 1970’s professional wrestler without it changing who you are on the inside.  But for those of you who are curious what Tony’s outside now looks like see below.

Tony “The Adonis Strangler” Bitzionis gives us a submission about legendary Country music artist Hank Williams.  A man who died in the back of Cadillac on the way to a show at the age of 29.  Unlike Ja Rule, Williams’ music actually did reflect his real life.  Take it away Tony.

You Win Again - Hank Williams Sr. By Tony Bitzionis

“The news is out All over town That you’ve been seen Out runnin’ round I know that I Should leave but then I just can’t go You win again.”   Ah, it’s just not the same without Hanks cuuurvy voice.  If this man doesn’t make you want to cry, then I’ll deal with you later.  I’ve gotta admit, I don’t know much about Hank Williams Sr. at all, but I love the way he sings his songs.  Another thing I love is the era in songwriting this guy is from.  They used to write some hilariously straightforward songs, like perhaps his most famous number “There’s a Tear In My Beer”. Lovely song.   You Win Again is a classic, and a lot of covers have been done, but Hank’s voice is so perfectly smooth, that you either have to do it your own way, or you’re going to end up sounding foolish trying to imitate him.  I’m no country expert, but a lot of country singers today sound like asses.  Shania Twain, give me a break she’s from Timmins, and I’m pretty sure she’s turning into a robot.  I hate you Shania, but you’re hot…call me—I don’t have a cellphone and my dad doesn’t speak much English, so call Dave’s cell and he’ll call me and then I‘ll get in touch with you. 416-554-7845 

  Tony

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Did you know that there are people who get paid big time dollas to program ipods with music?  People who are considered “musically astute” get paid by people who are, crazy? I don’t know, to add music to their ipod.  Who the hell pays somebody to do that?  I would say that I am almost entirely against it–but with a couple exceptions.  One of these would be if I had the opportunity to have Questlove program an ipod for me.  I don’t actually have an ipod, so he’d have to buy me one too.  That reminds me of the time my friend Tony got a ticket for riding his bike without a bell.  They threatened to take away points from his drivers license.  But Tony didn’t have a drivers license.  He got excited thinking they would have to give him one in order to take away the points.  But thats neither here nor there.  What I’m trying to say is that Questlove is considered to be one of those individuals who has their finger on the pulse of musical trends.  I read his blog occasionally and he recently suggested people check out the new album by Amy Winehouse. 

This chick is fucking crazy, but in a good way–I mean, I’m kind of in love with her and after only 2 days of exposure.  The first single off her latest album “Back to Black” is called Rehab.  Not only is it a rediculous song on a variety of levels, its also the exact kind of song I wanted to post on Songstory precisely because there is an interesting story behind it.  Winehouse released her first album Frank in 2003 at the age of 20 and it went PLATINUM!  During this time she appeared on several tv shows drunk off her ass.  I’ve seen one clip that is particularily amusing where Winehouse is doing a duet of Beat It with this British Late Nite talk show host named Charlotte Church.  Winehouse is obviously drunk–she yells her lines more than sings them.  You can tell Church is distracted by the young drunk girl staggering next to her and is struggling to stay composed.  Here’s the link  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vfdl7-E80Q.  So after several of these drunken tv appearences Winehouse’s management company confronted her and told her she had to go into rehab.  She told them to fuck off and found new management.  Then she wrote Rehab.  I love this girl.  She totally reminds me of Babe-raham Lincoln.  

The video is also awesome.  I love the guy in the blue bathrobe and want to learn his various handclap dance moves.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKVbgkfFygY&eurl=

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Today brings us a contribution from a source who has requested they remain anonymous.  So lets call him “Tony B.” wait, no, ”T. Bitzionis”.  Thats better.  Mr. TB (like the disease) has something to say, so y’all better open your ears and cover your groins, like Roy Orbison–he see’s Tony coming.  

End of the Line - The Traveling Wilburys By Tony Bitzionis

I’m trying really hard to not do any Dylan songs until I’ve sufficiently proven that I do listen to other music.  This one doesn’t count though, cause he doesn’t actually have a verse in the song, so Garret, Joell, and DaveNam, fuck off this isn’t a Dylan song.

Quickly, and for those of you who don’t know, The Travelling Willbury’s were a family of musicians.  The members were: Clayton Wilbury (Jeff Lynne– from Electric Light Orchestra), Muddy Wilbury (Tom Petty), Lefty Wilbury (Roy Orbison), Spike Wilbury (George Harrison), and Boo Wilbury (Bob Dylan).  They released 2 albums in the 80’s, The Travelling Wilbury’s: Volume 1, and The Travelling Wilbury’s: Volume 3.  There is no Volume 2.

End of the Line is probably their most recognizable song, even made a music video for it.  The odd thing about this song is that though it’s such an up-beat, feel-good song, the music video is kind of somber (sombrero!).  That’s because Roy Orbison (‘Pretty Woman, La Da Doo Dee Doo’) died of a heart attack just after Volume 1 was recorded, and he’s not in the video (which shows the band members performing the song on a train).  When Roy’s verse comes up, the lights dim and we see his picture on a rocking chair with the rest of the Wilbury’s looking on. Also, I stole Roy Orbison’s sunglasses.   I think it’s impossible to not love this song, so if you don’t love it, go to hell.   Tony

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It has now been 4 days since we started Sample Week, when in earnest I posted a Stereolab song and you all were supposed to tell me who sampled it.  Lets take a look at some of the guesses we’ve had so far.  Andrew Bryce said that Puff Daddy used it in a Lil’ Kim song.  Hellz if I know. Maybe he did.  I forgot to consider the large gaps in my hip hop knowledge base when I began this simple sample game, and I got exposed on the first response.  Andrew Bryce, you’re an asshole.  Then came Andrew number 2, Andrew Chang.  Andrew Chang didn’t really need to sign his name on his post since we all know Andrew Chang language when we see it.  Andrew Chang didn’t guess anything.  Rather he spoke in a freely associative way similar to Kramer, and gave us a small lesson on e-friendly grammer.  Andrew Chang, you as well are an asshole.  Then came me, admitting my weaknesses, putting it all on the line.  We all know I’m an asshole.  And then FINALLY we hear from Tony.  He guessed Sir John A. McDonald. Hilarious!  But wrong.  Only assholes guess wrong.  Didn’t Sir John A tell you?  

I declare Sample Week a failure. 

Let us segue quietly on to other things and never mention it again. 

Today’s song is off Busta Rhymes’ 2000 album “Anarchy”.  Appropriately Busta, who can be seen below asking his hands why oh why they insist on tearing holes in all of his best shirts, put exclamation marks in the name of almost every track on the album.  This song is an exception–it’s called Show Me What You Got.  Listen to how many times he rhymes ORE.  Luckily for Busta everything rhymes with exclamation marks!!  This track was produced by James Yancy, Jay Dee, Dilla Dawg, J Dilla.  It’s never enough.

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